Tengok cerita Hindustan pun orang boleh tersengih. Gadis remaja bukan tahu apa benda dia nak tu betul atau tak. Sedangkan Justin Bieber pun dia suka.
06 November 2015

Kena Paksa Kahwin
Tengok cerita Hindustan pun orang boleh tersengih. Gadis remaja bukan tahu apa benda dia nak tu betul atau tak. Sedangkan Justin Bieber pun dia suka.
13 May 2012
Kenangan dengan Mak
Bila kecik dulu, I have this one strong memory. Umur rasanya dalam 6 tahun kot, masa tadika. Masa tu kenduri dekat rumah salah sorang jiran saya. Saya pergi dengan Mak dengan adik saya. Tak ingat dah kenduri apa. Dulu orang kahwen pun datang tak kenal siapa yang kawen. Datang sebab ikut Mak je dan jugak sebab nak makan ayam masak merah.
Saya panggil adik saya. “Ya, Ya, tengok tu, ada ular senduk masuk”, saya tunjuk pada adik saya. Badan ular tu panjang, badan dia pun besar segenggam tangan. “Jom kita bagitau Mak jom”
Saya pun jumpa Mak, cakap dekat Mak “Mak, Mak, ada ular senduk masuk rumah, Mak”
“Ah, takdelah. Kalau ular tu masuk mesti orang lain nampak”
Tiba-tiba ada jiran saya menyampuk
“Kenapa anak tu kak?” dia tanya Mak saya, merujuk kepada saya.
“Takde apalah, dia kata dia nampak ular senduk masuk rumah. Biasalah budak kecik”
Lepas tu cerita tu pun mati dekat situ. Saya pun meyakinkan diri saya yang saya tak nampak ular senduk tu masuk rumah. Selang beberapa jam lepas tu, ada seorang anak jiran saya menjerit-jerit dalam bilik.
“ULAR, ULAR! Ada ular!!” dia pun berlari keluar bilik dengan penuh gelabah. Orang lain semua jerit “Cari galah, cepat cari galah!” adalah lepas tu a few adult men yang berjaya mencari galah dan memalu ular tu sampai mati dengan buluh. Masa tu baru saya tahu orang kata buluh tu bisa. Boleh buat nak bunuh ular.
Lepas tu Mak saya pun cakap, “Oh, patutlah anak saya tadi katanya nampak ular. Ingatkan dia main-main.”
For years to come, memori ni menjadi antara ingatan paling menyakitkan masa kecik. Masa lepas orang tu campak bangkai ular tu keluar, saya tertanya “Kenapa Mak tak percaya saya bagitau ada ular tadi? Kenapa Mak tak tengok pun ular tu dekat pintu masa saya bagitau Mak? Mak tak percaya saya ke” Oh well. Masa kecik tu sedihlah sebab fikir Mak tak percaya saya.
Bila dah sekolah menengah baru saya got over it. Dah tak kisah dah tentang benda tu. Tapi agak lama jugak saya rasa terkilan dengan Mak sebab orang besar selalu anggap budak kecik menipu. Hehe. Terkilan sebab orang tak dengar apa yang kita cakap, walaupun benda tu betul. Dan bila dah berlaku, baru orang nak percaya.
Bila dah besar, dah nampak macam-macam yang berlaku dekat Mak, rasanya cerita ular tu bukanlah sesuatu yang menyakitkan lagi. Dibandingkan dengan penderitaan Mak nak membesarkan anak-anak, cerita ular tu kecik sangat.
Dulu kan, masa zaman takde mesin basuh, Mak la yang basuh baju semua orang. Cuba bayangkan, dengan lampin adik lagi yang bertaik-taik, baju kami 7 beradik, baju Abah penuh getah balik menoreh. Tak pernah dengar Mak mengeluh penat. Zaman sekarang jaranglah ada ibu kena basuh baju untuk keluarga. Pulak tu, tiap hari Mak kena masak untuk kami satu keluarga. Dahlah kami ramai, sembilan beranak. Sekali masak kena masak banyak-banyak, takut tak cukup.
Masa kecik dulu, satu petang tu saya tutup tingkap rumah. Sebab tak senonoh, jari saya terhimpit dekat tingkap, terus berdarah kuku. Sakit gila babeng wo! Saya berlari-lari menangis jerit-jerit. Mak pun panggil saya nak tengok luka tu. Mak pegang jari saya bubuh minyak gamat, lepas tu saya mengadu “Sakit Mak, sakit! Sakit Mak!” sambil menangis-nangis. Lepas tu saya pandang Mak, Mak pun tengah menangis. Terus terdiam sekejap. Saya terfikir, kenapa Mak menangis? Bukan Mak yang sakit pun.
Masa sekolah tadika, saya tak boleh kena tinggal dengan Mak. Kalau Mak balik, nanti saya mengamuk. Pernah saya tumbangkan almari penuh mainan sebab Mak balik. Cikgu selalu rotan sebab saya mengamuk dalam tadika. Sejak dari tu, setiap hari Mak teman dekat tadika dari pagi sampai habis.
Walaupun ada adik-adik dekat rumah nak kena jaga, kena masak untuk makan tengahari, Mak tunggu je dekat tadika sampai saya habis. Bila dulu tengok tak rasa apa. Nampak Mak ada dekat luar pintu tadika saya sambung main mainan. Bila sekarang, baru kita sedar besarnya jasa Mak. Gigihnya Mak menunggu dari pagi sampai tengahari. Kita pun tak tau mampu ke tak nak jadi macam tu untuk anak-anak kita.
Kalau nak kira besarnya jasa Mak nak membesarkan kita, sampai bila pun tak terbalas. Terlampau besar. Selagi Mak masih hidup, insyaAllah, akan saya jaga Mak baik-baik.
Selamat Hari Ibu, Mak =)
12 October 2011

BEFORE SHE’S GONE
“Dan Tuhanmu telah memerintahkan agar kamu jangan menyembah melainkan hanya kepada-Nya dan hendaklah berbuat baik kepada kedua orang tua.
Dan jika salah satu dari keduanya atau kedua-duanya telah berusia lanjut dalam pemeliharaanmu maka sekali-kali janganlah kamu mengatakan kepada keduanya perkataan ‘ah’ dan janganlah kamu membentak keduanya.
Dan ucapkanlah kepada keduanya perkataan yang mulia, dan rendahkanlah dirimu terhadap keduanya dengan penuh kasih sayang dan ucapkanlah: ‘Wahai Tuhanku, sayangilah mereka keduanya, sebagaimana mereka telah menyayangi aku sewaktu kecil.’” (Al Israa’: 23-24)
It rarely feels like it’s alright. To keep this as a secret, to keep lying to everybody, and smile every time I’m trying to lie. But it doesn’t matter now. Not anymore. For now I have seek the reasons, imploring rationale and being strong.
I am being melancholy for the time being. I reached UPM at about 10.00 earlier tonight. And all that greeted me was that feeling of betrayal and rejection. This is how I imagined things will happen anyway, so it’s not that I am shocked or anything. But I’ve got to tell that I’d feel disappointed with a few human beings right now. Especially after came back from home, these hard feelings keep creeping inside my ribs and crushing my chest from deep within. I think the main problem now is me feeling homesick. I miss my mother, my father, and my siblings, as well as my nephews and nieces. And when those people here treat me like crap, it doesn’t help in any ways. In fact, my mood dramatically swing and my hatred magnified enormously.
And to tell the truth, I felt like being stabbed in the back. A few really wrong facebook statuses can really mess up your relationship with people. And it’s easy to play the victim card, to tell everybody that somebody crossed you or wronged you, when in fact you know that you are just being hypocrite. You’re just like the Jews.
And I am keeping a promise to myself to help my mother. It was a secret between us. I cannot stand to see my mother suffering when what she should do now instead is enjoying her life downhill. It’s unfair to her to have only her kids as possession and not a single fancy clothe or jewelry, or a piece of land, or anything else for a change. Damn it! So I said a promise to her to help her in some ways so that she would be happy. But it’s a secret so I won’t tell anybody.
And now I’ve finished reading few novels. The Bonesetter’s Daughter particularly had really gripped me. Amy Tan, the author had once again taught me that taking care of your parents is not because you are responsible for them, but because you love them. And this is how I’ve been feeling these three days I was at home. I was feeling like a useless kid. I don’t know how to make my parents as happy as they were. I really hoped that I could give them more money, and hoping that I am hardworking enough to give them a massage on their old knees, or hardworking enough to help doing the chores around the house. It really broke my heart to see the face of my tired father who just came back from the rubber farm. And the face of my mother every time my niece or nephew being disobedient and naughty.
Sometimes they cried at night for the fate that should have not befallen them. It’s not their fault anyways. We were happier than this before. We are one big family, with laughter and closeness. But it all went wrong. It went wrong somewhere. So that now my father is sacrificing his old days for somebody else’s sake, and my mother sacrificing her long-seek freedom for her child.
Amy Tan many times highlighted this issue in her books. How a mother is willing to sacrifice even her own life just for the sake of her child. Many characters in her book attempted suicide so that they would give their child a stronger life of their own. That mothers before they died swore that if anybody dared to lay a finger on their child, their restless spirit will haunt them and bring them bad luck. So thanks to superstition, they had saved their children from the cruelty of relatives and stepmothers.
My mother is one of the mothers. I know that she would protect the life of her children even if that means she would jeopardize her own. My mother went through a lot just to make us happy. How that full cauldron of boiling oil burnt her skin, was the testament of her love to us. It was my sister’s engagement day. How every time we ask for our own favourite dishes, she would try to prepare them no matter what.
And the thing that I think made my mother is the strongest of them all is that she would never know the name of her own mother. I often wonder how my mother put herself to sleep at night without thinking of her real mother. She was abandoned by her own mother, for goodness’s sake. Amy Tan also only knew the name of her real mother and her grandmother the day her mother died, only that because her mother was an immigrant and she used a different name in America, but her mother never left her side. And like Amy Tan’s, my mother is also a Chinese.
It must be painful to not knowing your real mother. And you are walking this planet without knowing to whom or to which family you actually belong. It must be very painful.
Sometimes I prayed that I also would have the chance to meet my real grandmother. No matter who she is, I wanted to know why she left my mother. And to ask her whether she had ever loved my mother or not in her whole life, or did she ever regretted her decision to abandon my mother. But her existence is still a mystery. Is she still alive? Was life so hard for her that she decided she could not keep my mother?
I don’t know if she also attempted suicide to give my mother a better life of her own. But I’d always hope that my mother would not leave this world without knowing the name of her own mother.
28 July 2011

Identity Crisis
My mother is a Chinese, born in Kampung Baru, Kuala Lumpur. When she was a few days old, my grandmother abandoned her and left her to a nurse of the hospital of which she was born at. By that time, Chinese people did not really appreciate girls in a family. If the family is poor, like my biological grandparents’, there are high possibilities for the family to give away the girls. My foster grandparents adopted her and gave her Malay name.
They took her and raise her in Kampung Chatin, Temerloh, Pahang. Though she looks like Chinese, she could not speak Mandarin, or Cantonese, or Hokkien. Instead, my foster grandparents used Malay with Kampar accent at home.
My mother then gave birth to seven siblings. Most of her children have Chinese look, including me. What would perplex people later is all of us have Syed’s and Syarifah’s as our surname even though we look like Chinese.
In my father’s family, we stood out like sore thumbs as all of us looked different. And unlike them, we could not speak Pahang accent with accuracy. It was because at home, my mother would speak standard Malay with us; our neighbours and my mother’s siblings communicate with Kampar accent; and only my father speaks with Pahang accent.
Sometimes, people wonder why I do not have any accent. I would rather answer because I had lived in boarding school since I was small. I think it would take much time to explain my situation. Even in school, I could not speak Pahang accent with my schoolmates.
Sometimes they looked down at me for the reason. For them, it is strange if you are living in an area your whole life but you don’t sound a bit like the rest.
Sometimes I did feel like a stranger, when I could not really speak the languages of people around me. When in boarding school and university, I speak standard Malay, but still with some slang from Pahang. When with my fathers’ family, I did not speak at all, and when with my mother’s family, again I have to listen to strange words uttered that sound a little bit like Minangkabau accent.
Nevertheless, I now don’t give a damn at all. As I grow up, I learned that your colour, language and thoughts are not important, as long as you have a good heart inside.
Pahang slang translation
Koi – saya
Awok – awak
Bela – baiki
Kampar slang translation
Paje ko ye – you little moron!
Panaih anyong – panas terik
Duduk ontok –ontok – sit quietly!
19 June 2011
I Love You, AKMAL
Tapi saya tak kisah. Saya suka jugak dekat dia. Saya tahu ramai lagi orang yang suka dekat dia sebab rupa dia. Berapa kali saya perasan orang tengok muka dia dan senyum. Lagi-lagi perempuan. Orang laki pun ada jugak. Tapi Akmal buat dek je. Kadang-kadang dia senyum balik.
Tapi saya tak jeles. Sebab antara saya dan Akmal, dah ada hubungan istimewa. Kalau boleh, saya nak satu dunia tahu betapa bertuahnya saya sebab ada Akmal. Saya nak bagitau satu dunia betapa sayangnya saya pada Akmal.
Bila Akmal tak sihat, saya pun susah hati. Tapi saya tak bagitau dia saya risau. Saya senyap je. Akmal dari dulu tak pernah bercakap dengan saya. Tapi saya faham kenapa.
Sekarang ni, bila jauh, rasa rindu je nak jumpa Akmal. Nak cium dia, cubit pipi dia. Mandikan dia. Siapa sebenarnya Akmal ni?
Nilah dia! Akmal is my latest nephew, baru 6 bulan. Cute kan dia? Comel sangat-sangat! Ni gambar dia atas bahu abah dia masa kitorang pergi Genting.
Akmal anak sedara saya yang ke-5 (keenam dalam perut lagi), anak sulung kakak saya yg nombor tiga. Buat masa ni, dia lah yang bongsu antara semua anak sedara saya. So sayang lebih lagilah setakat ni.
Masa pergi mana-mana je, semua orang nak main dengan dia. Orang Iran, India, Vietnam. Semua excited tengok Akmal. Akmal biasa je, dia kadang-kadang tergelak tengok orang acah dia. Sebab comel benor dia ni. Mata besar, pipi tembam. Semua orang geram. Bercakap tak pandai lagi. Reti buat bunyi je. Gelak pun dah pandai. Gelak ngekek2. Macam main dengan budak comel.
Birthday Akmal dekat dengan birthday saya. Setakat ni, semua anak sedara saya yang laki lahir bulan yang sama. Sama dengan saya la semuanya.
Bulan 7 ni, saya kena start babysit dia. Sampailah raya. Hehe. Tak sabar nak main dengan dia. Tapi part basuh berak tu, susah sikitlah. Hu3. Jangan nangis ye nanti Akmal!
Mana Pergi seorang budak U?
Actually lepas habis periksa hari tu, balik rumah. Lepas tu kat rumah saya takde internet, so tak boleh nak update blog. Senang cerita, rehat dulu la dari blogging. Lagipun kat rumah tak sempat nak buat apa2. Tidur pun dah tak cukup sebab kena jaga anak sedara.
Kena tukar lampin, basuh berak, bancuh susu, kena bermain sekali. Anak sedara dahlah nakal, asyek nak kena pukul je. Ho3.
Kadang-kadang penat melampau-lampau, sampai memang tak larat nak jalan. Nak lagi kalau anak sedara taknak dengar cakap.
Bergaduh, sepahkan rumah. Makan nasik guna pusat (maksudnya comot melampau2 sampai nasi tumpah ke perut), bertumbuk, berak 4 kali sehari. Aigoo!
Kalau kita marah pun bukan faham pun. So terpaksa sabar jelah… Lagipun kalau berak 4 kali sehari tu kita nak wat camne. Dah benda tu natural… Yang geramnya kalau nak basuh memang melekat dekat jari objek likat berwarna kuning tersebut…ngeee!
Lepas tu balik UPM sekali lagi sebab nak ambil lesen P baru siap. Setelah lama menunggu lesen…
Lepas tu balik semula rumah. Jaga anak sedara semua. Lepas tu balik semula UPM, setelkan Master. Tak setel pun. Lecturer tu tak reply email saya pun. Tunggu punya tunggu…
Last sekali balik semula UPM. Jadi pembantu sukan MASUM (padahal tak pernah join sukan pun. tetiba jadi sukarelawan. hu3). Duduk KTDI. Bilik dia selesa, tapi kecik compare dgn kolej asal. Tapi takpe na, janji makan tanggung berak cangkung. Elaun kasi, baju dapat. Ok la tu.
Dalam menyukarelakan diri, ada jugak la mencari-cari kerja tetap. Member ada ramai yang dah dapat ofer kerja, saya ni merangkak-rangkak lagi hantar resume. Jeles beb! Interview pun tak dapat. Hari tu syarikat dekat Pasir Gudang call, suruh datang interview 20 hb ni. Tapi dekat JB tu! Tak maulah saya! Tak mau jauh sangat dari rumah. Kalau dapat kerja kat JB, baik kerja Singapore je alang-alang. Ye dok? Gaji besar lagi.
Begitulah kehidupan gue sehari-harian selepas grad.
Takde yang menariknya. Adalah jugak bunuh kala jengking (menarik ke?), pergi Genting Highlands, hmm, takde da agaknya. Itu jelah. Genting Highlands kan, sekarang ni nak runtuh tau. Tanah dia dah tak stabil. Masa saya pergi aritu, sepanjang kereta kabel nak naik atas, ada at least dua tanah runtuh dekat Genting. Dekat dengan bangunan pulak tu. Ngeri kot! Kalau runtuh habislah semua.
Pastu masa tengah lepak-lepak dekat atas tu ambik udara fresh, nampak ada sorang laki tu tengah berzikir. Tengok betul-betul, rupanya laki Cina. AGaknya sebab nak menang judi kot dia baca mantera apa.
Lepas ni mungkin blog ni takkan seaktif dulu, sebab banyak kang-, eh, kekangan. Kekangan masa, tanggungjawab etc etc (alasan apa lagi nak bagi ni ek?).
Ok la ye, sekarang nak menonton movie. Petang ni dah start perasmian MASUM. Dapat jumpa budak2 U satu Malaysia.
That’s all dudes. Jumpa lagi nanti lepas MASUM!
