Kahwin

Last night I dreamt of marrying my crush in matric. I left her immediately after the marriage and got a work on a ship. I came back to her 2 years later, and was surprised to see our little boy running in the house. She surprisingly lived somewhere near to the sea as if she was waiting for me to come back. What surprising me even more was she shaved her hair bald.

I said “I’m sorry” but she just said “I knew”.

I don’t know what did she knew. She knew I’m going to leave her even before I left or she knew I’m going to come back? Or she knew that I’m going to apologise?

I  tried to reach to our baby when I woke up feeling perplexed.

The question popped in my head as I woke up was ‘why?’

Why the dream? Why I ran away and work on a ship? Why I didn’t know I have a baby boy?

My friends are all getting married but the pressure does not come in the form of I feel like it’s obligatory for me to find a wife. But the pressure comes when people began to ask “when’s your turn?”.

Shouldn’t that be a sensitive question? It’s like asking a girl 2 months after her marriage either she’s pregnant or not. Universally, we frowned at the thought. It’s not sensitive laa, its offensive laa. We know the question might hurt the girl’s feelings. Then why do you think it’s OK to be busybody when it comes to people who are still haven’t marry?

Truth is, not everybody wants to get married, or have the rezeki to easily marry. I personally don’t have the pressure yet to marry since I have lots of responsibilities and getting married for me at this time might make it harder for me to carry them.

Our society is somehow so obsessed in expecting people to follow the mainstream. And even worse when the normal way somehow become a benchmark for competition. My son already married while yours haven’t – I win! My daughter-in-law is giving me a grandson – I win! My daughter-in-law pregnant with a second child – I win! Boo-ha makcik! Yes, your family is the best. Now move on!

Yup, I admit being young is one of the factors I’m not ready for marriage. There are mountains to climb, seas to explore, countries to visit. Marriage is like a rope to the feet – your freedom is no more. Those mountains and seas and countries will remain a distant dream once you tie the knot.

“But, but, marriage is a Sunnah! Rasulullah’s way of life!”

Yes, while that is the truth, marriage is also applicable to those who fulfilled the requirements. So far, I don’t think I fit into those requirements.

While we’re at the subject, have you ever heard of the Muslimah who is a Wali of Allah – Rabiatul Adawiyah? She was never married because she loves Allah so much that Allah is the only lover she needs in this life and the afterlife. Her love for Allah makes her unable to love any man on the world.

And also, there’s a hadis saying that women and men who are married, will be greeted at the door of heavens by their spouse, while unmarried men and women are greeted at the heaven’s door by Rasulullah saw himself. This hadis itself explains that there are good men and women who are not married, and Rasulullah, the lover of Allah himself will welcome them to the heaven. This does not sound so bad for somebody whose prospect of marriage remains cloudy – like me!

In a nutshell, I would be happy for those friends who already are married. That’s your rezeki and I’m really happy for you!

But if you’re married for two months then you began to show your spouse off on social media with words like:

“Ya Allah syoknya kahwen! Kalau tahu syok macam ni darjah 6 dulu aku dah suruh mak pak nikahkan aku!”

“Serious, rugi korang yang tak kahwen lagi! Sedap hingga menjilat ehem ehem!”

“Bestnya kahwen ni rasa macam you’re living in a dream!”

“Tak sabar tunggu hubby balik! Rindunya hubby!”

Babe, while your intention might be good, first off, kau kahwen 2 bulan memang semua indah. Bak kata sarkastik people, kentut pun bau wangi. Cuba dah 2 tahun, lepas ada anak sorang bagai, mulalah naik status:

“Tiap hari memendam rasa. Ishh Tuhan tabahkanlah hatiku”

“Malam ni tak tidur lagi menjaga baby. Untunglaa suami boleh nyenyak tidur”

Haktum. Time tu baru rasa langit tinggi rendah.

Those sweet words you compliment each others with flew right out of the window.

So nope. Marriage is not just sweet dreams honey. Please do not show off your life as if telling us who are still unmarried that our life is not as good as yours. Because some time later in life, you might regret just what you were saying.

So after a few moments of contemplation, I decided that that dream might show what I really felt about marriage. That I’m not ready for it yet and I’d rather sail the angry sea than living with an angry wife.

But perhaps, this will change later. Who knows, right?