Childish

I am that person who excitedly opens the fridge to retrieve the chocolate ice cream from the freezer in the dark, and storms to his room with said ice cream tub tightly in his hands while giggling – as if everyone’s looking.

I am that guy who cries when his favourite character got killed on television, or in books.

I am the one who sulks when his friends make plans sans him.

I am that person who dances frantically and carelessly laughing while listening to a Tamil song, pretending like I know Baratanatyam, though not understanding one word at all.

I am that person who loves his books more than anything else.

I am that guy who thinks his mother is the best shoulder to cry on.

You might say I don’t understand how the universe works, but it works just fine for me thus far. You might scold me for knowing so little about the rules, but people who stands by the rules are people who have the least fun. And you are included.

You say I don’t abide by the rules, that I act like the I am above the law. But I stand so low and small below the law that I feel like it’s not applicable to me.

You might hate me for being clueless all the time, but it’s better to play a childish game of mine than to play your adult version of backstabbing. 

You said I’m old enough for you to understand. I do understand, but I do not act according to your standards. I don’t get how you pushed me to maturity, while you yourself lose your childhood along the way.

I lose myself adapting to your ways, because just like a child, I don’t stand on my own. I look up to you, not knowing how I would be myself. I defined myself as complementing parts of you.

It saddens me that when you left, you have no thoughts of me. You envision a future without me, while my version of future includes you – every step of the way. But even when you broke my heart, I still miss you with all those tiny broken pieces.

I am a child who still thinks that friends are forever. And you don’t get to take that away from me. You just don’t.

Let’s live as we want to live, not as we should. And somewhere beneath this child’s heart, he still believes.