MAGICAL

“I know, I get cold

Cos I can't leave things well alone,
Understand I'm accident prone.”
- Natalie Imbruglia, Wishing I Was There
 
Things are magical when they happen at the right time. Like knowing that the person you had a crush on turned out to be having a crush on you. Like when you are in need somebody gives you just the thing you need.
Can things be more magical, than when you fall in love with a person and they love you back? Can things be more magical than when you wake up to find a thing you have been wanting wrapped beautifully just beside your bed?
But life’s full of disappointments. You can have those things that you wanted, only to be disappointed the next second. Like those dramatic moments of disappointment just seconds – no, milliseconds post making love. Staring blankly into space, not knowing exactly what to do. Grabbing your clothes as quickly as you could, for now being bare with the person you love sounds like the most perverted thing a person could ever do. It’s the shame thereafter, which somehow made you feel like it’s a bad idea after all; though you were craving maniacally for it right before it starts.
Or rather, it’s like making love to a dear friend, which feels so magical and deviant at the same time. And when it’s over, the ambivalence is replaced by a mix of brutal disgust, disappointment and disgrace; but predominantly you feel relieved that it happened, and now you are relieved it’s finally finished. And when you think it’s magical, it is actually a curse.
Or maybe, just like falling in love with a person. And that love was requited, both of you are madly in love. From friends, to lovers. Then gradually, things are going downhill. The magic simply dwindling, slowly, spiraling downwards into disaster. From lovers, both of you started to quarrel every single day, not acknowledging each other’s presence. Why, the magic does not last forever? If that magic is that short-lived, is it then, qualified as magical?
It’s like having your dream mobile phone as a surprise birthday present, only to know that it was a few models obsolete; or in your least favourite colour.
Is that magical?
Sometimes you feel like being fooled by destiny. You were given happiness only to see it being taken away just the next minute. Or you are given happiness, but that happiness can never truly be your possession. It’s like knowing the person that you love and loves you back is getting married to another person, or it’s like having money that you know you’re going to have to pay back, or raising an adopted child whom you have to give away when he’s 18.
And sometimes, happiness feels so magical, when your life is so dull and indifferent. Happiness is so magical when it happens so out of the blue, when you were least expecting it. Life is so magical when you found out your account balance suddenly shows an increment from the last time you checked, not knowing the source of the money.
Magical is things that happened randomly to your pleasant surprise. You don’t let magic happen, you don’t make it happen. Because magic happens to you.
Magical, my life has been. I refused to be trapped within the vortex of dissatisfaction when every magic transformed into curse. I believe, the bad thing about magic, or rather, that accompanies magic, is part and parcel of the miracle. Like having a smartphone for few months before it crashes. The experience itself was magical, and when it’s over what I have been feeling is what counts. And I was happy and glad that it happened at all.
I might be a fool for so pathetically hoping for a miracle to happen every single day of my life; like hoping suddenly a stranger pays my bills at a restaurant, wishing the person I had a crush on confesses an undying love for me so abruptly, or got a call telling me that I have won some competition with a Mercedes as the prize; or even better a call from SPA offering me a job. But hoping for a miracle, and maybe praying for it, is what fuels our hopes and dreams. I am still brave enough to dream, brave enough to believe. And finally, having the power to believe itself; per se – is magical.