25 January 2022


 To come back to this space after a while, felt strange but necessary. A few months have passed since my last update, things happened and went. I'm still here I guess.

I battled severe anxiety last year (it's 2022 now guys, I mean whew how time flies), stemming from my incessant urge to please people and the inability to never say no. In fact, I never outgrew that. I still haven't learned how to say no. I have cried over phone notifications, it's a miracle I managed to survive and functioning these days. I even got upset that I didn't get infected with COVID, because that was the only way I could dig myself out from my situation.


I'm still broken, still picking up myself piece by piece, trying to make myself complete again. So many things I wish I could type here, but most of the things might bear legal repercussions, so I'd just keep them to myself.

My paradigm and ideals have shifted. Some of them are 180 degree turn, but I guess being in the real world does that to you. I'm no longer a hopeful doe eyed 20-something lad with something to prove, I'm a skeptical 30-something, who has felt the burden of the world on his shoulders, and being grumpy in retaliation to all the unhappiness he had to endure. Men are judged by what he can provide - so the saying goes.

I guess I just miss...this. To be able to write my heart out again, to put a pause on the life that I couldn't say I'm excited about, and to regroup and recollect my thoughts. All the entries in drafts...man, what a bummer I can't publish them. 

So we've come to this end. A tad sad, a bit glad I got to write again. Hopeful for the future still. So long XOXO

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