09 February 2015

Johny Wants To See The World

Last time I had this conversation with Ching Ching, she asked me again if I wanted to further my studies.
“Sure, definitely! But I need to work for the time being. I need to have the motivation to further my studies. I need to really hate working so that I will have a will strong enough to pursue my PhD!”
Hate is a strong word – I got this notion from one of my blog readers, who suggested that I substitute the word with something proper.
But since I started working since 7 months ago, hate is one of the major things I accumulate from the experiences.
I hate this whole experience of working. Even if I have gathered some experiences, some skills, the most predominant thing I collected is hatred.
Working for a company, or working for a government agency really had opened my eyes on what working really meant.
First of all, your nature of business is actually pleasing people, and any other than that is blatant false. Sure, it might state there on your contract what your job scopes are, but the fine prints in reality is accepting whatever tasks your boss or client assign you, no matter how irrational or stupid they are.
Your contract says you should prepare a report on certain occasions, but it does not state the format of the report. This is where the loophole lies, and your client can abuse this loophole to abuse you. They can reject the report because your formatting is different from what they imagine, asking you to do it again and over again until they are satisfied.
Really, your work really depends on your clients’ mood. Sometimes if they’re in the good mood, they’d simply told you not to send them any report. Kawtim-lah, no need report. It’s OK, I’ll pull some strings, change some dates, so you don’t have to send any report to me. Serabutlah, banyak report. Sure, you’ll meet this kind of client too.
Oh and they are also clients who made it their mission to turn your life into living hell. This type of clients is full of hatred no matter what you do to please them. Just last week, a client threatens to throw a file on our face because she couldn’t find a report we sent her. Yeah, suddenly her failure is our mistake. This is her real words she shouted
“Awak nak saya campak file ni dekat muka awak ke baru nak cari report tu?” I literally gushed and straightaway exclaimed “Wow garangnya.”
And she made her point across, again and again that OUR money is at stake.
“Awak nak duit kan? Awak nak duit kan? Yelah, ni semua duit awak ni.”
Sometimes she asked the questions more than once, sarcastically, prompting me to believe that she’s the reincarnation of the devil. The tone, the atmosphere of the meetings pointing towards the fact that she thought of us as inferior beings beneath her.
This is just one client, and we have many more that claw at our throats, ready to cut it if we make any mistake. Oh and all of them are reincarnations of the devil.
You ask me, how I could manage. Well I don’t. I simply don’t. I convinced myself that I am better than all of them and that their negativity could never get to me. I know how much better person I am from all these Neanderthals and that this is just temporary. And my superior always reminds me that this is all ‘duniawi’, nothing of importance in the eyes of God. What really matters is how we use this situation to please God by applying our religion into the commotion.
Yes, if you really want to please God, you won’t shout at other people’s face and berating them with your words. Then again, Allah says whenever you are met with trouble, be patient and perform solat. He didn’t even ask you to think of the solutions, just be patient and solat (or in today’s meme, Keep Calm and Solat). Just imagine that these people are a test and how you react and treat them is how you are going to be judged by Him.
However, with this accumulated hatred, I now know better than corporate world is not for me, and I am so going to be a lecturer; by hook or by crook. And I am going to tell my students that this is what waiting for them in the outside world, and I have gone through hell and live to tell them how it was.
It makes me happy in a way, for this whole thing finally shown me; clearly, how much I need a Ph D. 1st, so I could be an academician who can guide people, which is my real passion of life. 2nd, so that I can be a respected person through my knowledge and not how I answer to clients, and 3rd, so that nobody could step on me because they thought I’m beneath them.
This is a very valuable lesson, and I’m proud to have gone through it all. And hatred, is after all a strong word. To hate it takes a great deal of your emotional power and kudos to those people who managed to give me the feeling.

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