Twisted Mind of Mine

Hye peeps! How were you guys doing?

Sorry dear readers ( if only u’re reading my blog, LOL! ), swear to God I was too busy and lazy to update. I’ve been kind in a hectic month, since this is the last month for my lecture, and the second last month for my life as undergraduate student. SOb2. Going to miss this year a lot. It has been a very wonderful year. And I just love it all. The tensions, the sweet memories, the gossips. God, just great!

Ok, finally I finished writing a whole thesis, WITHOUT plagiarising. Hell yes, I’m getting wiser! Thanks to everybody. This whole experience had changed me into a better person in many senses. Feel like crying right now -----> Er, wrong picture! Stupid pig! Want to cry like this: I actually didn’t perform very well for my VIVA, and I felt, and still feel bad about it. Yes, too many tears dude. Nonetheless, last Sunday we’ve been to the Grand Annual Dinner, MAPURA ‘11 for our college. And I won an award, though not THAT excited. Hehe. So that’s how my life has been for these past few weeks. Thesis writing, editing, printing, binding, sending, presenting, and everything related. And also tests and practical tests. Tired? Nope, really EXHAUSTED.

So just leave it there ok. Cut me some slack. Too tired even to talk about my thesis. Today (rather tonight… ) I’m going to tell you something about myself. My dark, twisted mind. Yes, you read it right. My mind.

It was MAPURA, and the theme was Dominant White. And as it was a grand dinner, one is expected to wear over-the-top-ly and very extravagant. I, who had from beginning opposing the idea, had given in. You see, I was actually very uncomfortable with fancy clothes and fashion, as I think they are overrated and unimportant to human.

It makes you being so superficial, that you actually emphasizing your physical beauty rather than your inner one. I’d love people with a great heart, way better than people who look good but rotten inside. And as sure as hell, I’m telling you that most people that I’ve met so far were far more concerned on how people think about their physical appearance more than how people perceive them as a good human being.

They don’t mind if people think they have bad manners, but they would mind if people tell them that they dress stupidly or so not fashion-ly. But as fair as life is, their friends are also superficial. They spent their time together talking about how beautiful Gisele Bundchen is when wearing a whatever dress, or how smart ______ when _______. Fill in the blanks people, you know what I mean! So that one group of material people, has the similar idea of beauty.

Call me an idealist, but for me beauty is what inside of you. Period.

And then, something struck me hard. I’d want to look good, however. Well, it was proven when searching for clothes for the effing dinner. And I became the own victim of some kind of lust inside of me. The lust for beauty. To look and feel good. And because of that, I started spending so much money and time searching for things that can make me feel good and look adorable, to impress people I know and I do not know.

Does it make me feel bad, after all, to look good? Well, what worried me is it didn’t. Because I felt good when I looked good. When consider, in the first place, I think looking good is so superficial. Does that sound twisted enough? I mean, now I am having both ideas in my mind. Idea number 1 – looking good is bad because you make people look only on outside. Idea number 2 – looking good is great because you will feel good of yourself.

Maybe, after all, there are many ways to define beauty. And I had at least found two ways of seeing it. Maybe it’s in human nature. They love beauty, and they like good people. is that a good explanation? Hm, still wondering. Just drop some comments below and tell me how’d you feel. Share some idea with me.