24 March 2011


terbenam ORL GN

I dedicate this entry to my ever loving family, beloved friends and to those who feel the same.

Sometimes people are hit with mid-life crisis even before they reached that age. That feelings you have when you are watching the sunset alone in the evening. You feel so alone and empty, and the orange ray of the last sunlight shines the gloom part of you, where you might just cry and feel in complete loneliness and solitude.
That this life you have is too lonely, and every day passing is meaningless and one more story of loneliness. One more step to insignificance. Joy and happiness that you could only feel from those faces of people you’d love, but you could not feel within yourself. The light inside of you seems like had died out, or faded away into nothing.

Remembering people you had lost, friends you had said goodbye to. Where had they all gone? The pictures you took. The videos you made. In the end, it all ends. Even though you had put so much love and efforts, it’s not enough to stop time. They’d all gone.

Every hug, every kiss, every word. They carved something onto your heart, and they stay as emotions you would remember every time you missed them. I miss my family. My friends. Sometimes they are with me, but I could not feel them. Sometimes I feel so longing to have them by my side, but when I’m with them, I don’t know the right words to say. To tell them how much I miss them. To say that I do care.

But simple things alone can separate you from them. They would eventually have somebody or something else to replace you with. That sometimes you’d feel that this life is a battle of self worth and acceptance. You fight so much to make people love and accept you, but they just won’t stay that long. They’ll move on and leave you. It’s painful.

And to know at last, that you have the spark to ignite your own happiness, is a knowledge that should have comforted you. Life is not all about how people define you, but how you feel happy of yourself. Life is always fair, just that you need to see wisely. Life gives second chances, grab them all. Sometimes the best discovery is to find your own self and to tell that person on the mirror: ‘I’m happy with you’.

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