TOK NENEK: REVISITED

I stood on this very same mountain 3 years back, 9:00 pm 29th August 2016.

I could still shiver just from remembering the sensation brought upon by the cold wind. We reached there when it was dark and moonless, and neon lights from vegetable farms far away was betraying the fact that we were still very far away from civilization.

It was the last mountain of the expedition - the Yong Yap - Bubu - Tok Nenek trinity. We were by then at least 36 hours in the jungle with no connection whatsoever. This mountain was the only place with network connectivity, the only time we could reach the outside world to tell them to prepare for our departure from the jungle tomorrow.

Oh my God - I remember thinking to myself. I was at the end of the expedition already. The 7th mountain since I started hiking one month ago, and the last mountain of this trip. I could not believe it myself that I've made it this far.

At that point, I was still sad from losing so many friends - or so it felt. I felt like my life was wasted away, and that I view myself predominantly as an extension to someone else. I didn't even know who I am when I am all alone.

My disappointment from still not completing my Master's degree haunted me all the way to the midst of the forest. I needed something to break me free from my shell. I needed an escapism.

I remember looking at Yunuss, Fareez, Nizam and it felt so strange to be standing side by side with these people on that night. If somebody told me a few weeks before that I could make it, standing tall amongst the giants, I would think that it is the craziest idea ever. Me, the unfit person who only uses escalators and lifts and who only knows the existence of G7 just a few weeks before?

And now I'm standing with them on top of a mountain, whew, who would've thought?

I'm here again this time, watching sun rises from the east; no Fareez, Yunuss nor Nizam at sight. But I carry with me the memories of them, of that one cold dark night, looking at the neon lights while we were covered by the fog.

Life is wonderful. The sunrise was beautiful. This is maybe the last time ever I would be standing on this mountain again, and I take my time to bid my farewell.

And just like how I know I would have to bid my farewell to those friends who shared with me the little space on the mountain 3 years ago, I know well that these mountains were only one blip in a lifetime, and me writing them down was a means for me to remember them no matter what.